Forget Government of the People for the People by the People: what the dictator wants is a Government of Fiji by Bananas for Bananas
My darling Shazzer,
I really must compliment you on the FijiSilage news report that Fiji is flattered that Australia is copying Fiji with their media control legislation.
That is pure genius. Of course, Australians are too stupid (and usually too drunk) to know the difference between what we are doing in Fiji and what their government wants to do.
(sigh) Australia unfortunately is not a smart country any more, especially with all these bloody Asians and Wogs taking over all our jobs- even I appear smart there (as my Walkley Award verifies).
But anyway, how lovely that William Farkandsin allows his lapdog Vijay Nastyone to keep peddling your Messages.
Our Glorious Leader and Our True Leader must thank William publicly one of these days for William's services to The Cause, and ask him and his dear Sophie to nominate Vijay Nastyone as "Young Leader of the Year" for ALL journalists to emulate. We don't want any more Netani Rikas around, thank you.
On a more serious note my darling.
You know, to take my mind away from all these nasty videos going viral, I have been mulling over THE BIG PICTURE (of course, I am also justifying my fees from Qorvice, I would not mull for myself).
I must admit a TEENY WEENY CONCERN crept in when I put together all Our Glorious Leader's statements for the last year.
When he is not travelling to the see the grass roots in China, Korea, New York, Mumbai, Abu Dhabhi, France, England, Malaysia, Singapore, Brazil etc. Our Glorious Leader has been charging around to the "grass-roots" all over Fiji: giving a school block, a road, a bridge, a toilet block, a scholarship, a health clinic, a water supply, a house or two.
And naturally, these recipients all say they want Our Glorious Leader to forget about elections and just continue ruling Fiji, which Peter LowClass (Fiji SUNk) and Vijay Nastyone (FijiSilage) thankfully keep repeating on our behalf.
Soon we will be able to get Caz TheButt to do another objective survey to prove that 99.99% of Fiji want Our Glorious Leader to continue ruling Fiji without elections (the 0.01% disagreeing will be Qarase, George Speight and Chaudhry). Then we can forget forever the thousands that Cash Ghai and his Team consulted.
That would be GREAT for Fiji (and for us BTW, I cannot find any work in Australia at the moment).
Our Glorious Leader also points out that he is the FIRST Prime Minister EVER to visit all these parts and give bridges, roads, scholarships, health centres, etc etc to the people: - not Mara (RIP), not Bavadra (heh heh, RIP), not Rabuka (snigger, snigger, don't trust that one), not Chaudhry (heh heh, don't trust that one), and not even Qarase (heh heh, Peace Be Upon Him at Korovou where hopefully Chaudhry can soon join him).
No. No. No. Our Great Leader will NOT be visiting Korovou or Naboro any time soon. Phew. Now where was I before my little mind got distracted by these BAD BAD THOUGHTS?
Oh that's right. my TEENY WEENY CONCERN.
My concern is: what if some groggy villager actually wakes up and asks a really innocent question of Our Glorious Leader:
"You have been running Fiji Gummint for more than six years now- longer than Rabuka, longer than Chaudhry, longer than Qarase. If you are personally achieving all these things, what have all your Ministers, Permanent Secretaries and Civil Servants been doing?
Did your Ministry of Health not plan where to put its next Health Centre?
Did your Ministry of Education not plan how many scholarships to give out?
Did the PWD not plan where to build the next road and repair the next bridge?
Did Housing Authority not plan how to make houses affordable for our poor people?
AND, did you not say at the beginning of your long reign that you want ALL Fijians to "GET OUT OF THE HANDOUT MENTALITY" that previous Prime Ministers were all so guilty of fostering?
You have pointed out Rabuka with his NBF hand-outs; Chaudhry with his Cash Grant handouts to cane farmers; Qarase with his Agricultural Scam handouts. (Poor Bavadra, one month in Gummint was not long enough for him to give any handouts).
So you and I darling, must plan ahead: some other grog doped person in Fiji, may ask our Glorious Leader: Sir, you seem to be giving HANDOUTS everywhere too, and using our taxpayers' money, not your own?
Now, darling, don't get me wrong.
I myself personally would NEVER EVER ask such a stupid question.
For a start I am never grog-doped. I may be sloshed on good old Ossie Red, yes. But the horrible dishwater kava which gives you kani kani, definitely no. I saw the effect it had on my poor father who tried to be more Fijian than the Fijians. I won't make that same mistake. Oh No I m only going to be as Fijian as an Aussie can, which is not very.
All I am saying is that some retarded person in Fiji might notice that with Our Glorious Leader doing all this great work on his own, then all his Ministers (except Our True Leader) and Permanent Secretaries (except yourself of course) are clearly ALL SLEEPING ON THE JOB. (we will forget about the handout).
Heaven forbid, even these Moronic Ministers or Permanent Secretaries might wake up one morning and ask: why is Our Glorious Leader doing my job; AND getting all the praise. What am I doing here?
I mean, darling, we have to be PREPARED for all contingencies, we have to have a STRATEGY, we have to have all these SCENARIOS (hee hee. That is how I justify my goodies from Qorvice).
Remember, darling, these claims by Our Glorious Leader this will go on for at least another two years till the end of 2014.
By which time it will be EIGHT YEARS Our Glorious Leader will have had to CLEAN UP GOVERNMENT, END CORRUPTION AND GIVE ONE MAN ONE VOTE (himself, of course) and only HE seems to be doing the job.
Now, we don't want the Ministers to rebel, do we?
Can you please wrack your tired brain over this? We could "do it together" of course, over a case of good Cab Shazz.
I might as well tell you now, darling, one brainwave I have had (a teeny weeny brainwave of course, not to compare with YOUR big boobs.. I mean Brainwaves) is: WAIT FOR IT......... ta taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (trumpet and drum roll):
We could SACK all the Ministers (except Our True Leader) and all the Permanent Secretaries.
Of course we will keep you my darling to tell the public what our two Great Leaders are doing.
We would also have to keep "Young Frankenstein" Perverse Chand (who has been with Our Great Leader from Day 1, even before you came on the scene) who we need to crack the whip over the lazy civil servants and send out termination letters now and then.
Imagine. sacking them would save us .... uummmm.... goodness, thirty salaries.
We could give Our Glorious Leader and Our True Leader another five salaries each, and still save the country TWENTY salaries. We could also cut out that snooty bitch Noor Bano Aleach. We could also gove ourselves a pay raise. Well you could ge a pay rise and you send me an extra cheque or 2 for my CoreVice services which you enjoy so much, my little flame haired temptress.
What a lovely speech you and I could write on that for Our Glorious Leader, and I am sure Crazy Wolf and David Rabies will buy that argument as well- saving taxpayers money goes down well everywhere.
BUT, I might as well mention another TEENY CONCERN my darling, with this strategy.
We can boot out Kneeling Sharma, Thiko Loveme, old fart Fillmeup Bole and other civilian ministers any day.
BUT, many of these Ministers and Permanent Secretaries are now military personnel.
They won't be able to get a job anywhere else (not like that dear boy Mason Smith who saw the writing on the wall).
An unemployed military officer is BIG TROUBLE for Our Great Leader.
We MUST have a CONTINGENCY PLAN (especially our tickets out of Fiji) in case the Military Council does a counter coup.
Let us put on our thinking caps, bring out drinking cups, and ponder some more.
Perhaps you might wish to mention these concerns to Our Glorious Leader (who MUST plan ahead even more for his personal survival), our feisty Madam Nazihat Von Shameondtme(as a break from counting her dollars) and Queen Antonia (if he can be wheedled away from the lessons he must be giving the young Sri Lankan boys in the judiciary- ooh poor Jaimie must be turning in his grave).
Your dearest darling
PS: You will know my darling from my last post that I have been following Our Great Leader around the Friendly North. He loved my post which really told the absolute truth about his spontaneity and love for all our grass-roots people. You know, I think he may make me his Campaign Manager in the next elections. I have got my first message already worked out
PLEASE NOTE: This is to inform the public that this letter has been dramatised to highlight the stupidity and corruption of the Bainimarama dictatorship. It is based on real people and events.