The Glorious Leader and the True Leader have suggested that my Ministry of MissInformation needs to "build up" Madam Her Royal Highness NoShit ShameOnMe in the public eye.
You may ask, why do we have to rehabilitate this snooty bitch?
Well, it appears that Madam NoShit is the Queen of Spades in our Leaders' ever-shuffling pack of cards: she is an Indo-Fijian woman, a former High Court Judge, and SHE was the one who sent to jail a lot of those nasties who plotted the mutiny against our Great Leader.
Unfortunately, these pathetic blogs keep reminding the moronic Fiji public that NoShit started the 2006 coup by chairing the committee that booted out that useless Denial FattyaretheKey as Chief Justice, replacing him with Queen Antonia.
They still remember that NoShit was one of the Gang of Two ShameOnMe sisters, who helped justify the 2006 coup and all the decrees since (she also got more money than you and I combined in the process).
The other of course was Shyster ShameOnMe. The Human Rights Commissioner in 2006, she cleverly ignored all the abuses of human rights that was going on then, to tell the world Our Glorious Leader did the coup because of electoral fraud, racism and corruption by the previous LiceInTheHair QoriSay Government. She really had Australia, NZ and the international community fooled for a moment.
Of course, Dear Shysrer later tried to clean up her own image by "freely" defending pensioner BurnYourAss, who with his wife, TeaLady used to be one of our Great Supporters. Poor Shyster got a shock when Our True Leader threw her pathetic case out of the courts with our Smart Decrees.
Now the Stupid Shyster is publishing piddly little criticisms of Our Leaders' Great and Clear Constitution (GCC), and begging him to set up his pliant Constituent Assembly, to get genuine "public approval". Which message does this stupid lawyer not get (although my lawyer friends tell me she is not a lawyer but a pseudo Marxist sociologist).
I am told, Shyster ShameOnMe is now feeling somewhat lost and without a job in the Land of the Long White Cloud and probably wants to come back to rejoin Our Great Leader.
Gwubby, don't underestimate our problem.
The international community and these stupid bloggers refuse to acknowledge that a lot of water has already gone under the bridge, we should let bygones be bygones, and "move on".
Indeed, in the spirit of Easter, we should resuscitate the dead characters, one of whom, it has been decided by our Great and True Leaders, must be Madam NoShit ShameOnMe.
As an unorthodox Muslim woman claiming equal rights for women, she will also take attention away from the current Taliban control of Fiji
Our Great Leaders have made a start by naming Madam NoShit ShameOnMe as Fiji's very first Goodwill Ambassador for Women.
As Dr Chiko BlueVeinyLegs said, Madam NoShit will "rejuvenate and adopt a consolidated effort to eliminate all forms of violence against women and children in the country".
I hope you recognize our great CoreVice strategy.
Faced with escalating poverty, we simply keep repeating over and over that we are eliminating poverty.
Faced with escalating crime, we simply keep repeating over and over that we are eliminating crime and we could even declare that we have made Fiji crime-free. Ha ha ha.
Of course, the people will all believe us, as the Letters to the Fiji Spin clearly prove.
So faced with escalating violence against women and children, all we have to do is keep declaring over and over that we will "eliminate" all forms of violence against women and children and Madam NoShit will be our main strategy for doing that.
Appointing Madam NoShit as Goodwill Ambassador is also a good slap in the face of that wannabe Director of the Fiji Women's Crisis Centre (ShameOnYou Ali) who has been talking about these issues for only twenty five years while setting up her Women's Crisis Centers all over Fiji and the Pacific. ShameOnYou has also been pretending to speak up for human rights of all, including those of the escaped prisoners (who deserve all that they got, say I).
Dr BlueVeinyLegs was right on the dot when she said that Madam NoShit ShameOnMe "is highly respected for her work in women’s empowerment". Of that there can be no doubt whatsoever: she has empowered herself brilliantly these last twenty years.
Dear Gwubby, as always, I have a TEENSY WEENSY DOUBT about Madam NoShit, on which I will need your wise counsel.
She is not just snooty looking down at hardworking people like me, but she is just TOO CLEVER FOR HER BOOTS.
First, she has been so clever, staying behind the scenes and making her big bucks through her consultancy firm, while our True Leader has to front up to the media cameras EVERY DAY and build up the Glorious Leader, stare by icy stare.
Second, she has no problems giving a helping hand to the business of her husband DumbAssLum Coon. I mean, Sir Jim Aht OfTheKhon is not the first nor the last tycoon, whose wife helped his business in the corridors of power.
Third, with Our Glorious and True Leaders protecting a certain mobile company, Madam NoShit's husband has become even richer, like many other business people buzzing around our Leaders’ Rear Aiyarses.
You and I, dear Gwubby, must be prepared in case these rich business leaders just dump our Great Leaders if the 2014 Elections looks like not going their way.
I mean, I am told by my local moles, that Madam NoShit ShameOnMe comes from a family of bitchy aggressive women who are great at using people in high places when they can, and discarding them in a flash when they can't (as poor Ratu Jone Sour Bread learnt to his dismay).
We must beware that, that when the shit hits the fan in Fiji, Madam NoShit and her rich DumbAsslum Coon may fly the coop to some other country where his company is squeezing blood out of stone.
So dear Gwubby, come and join me for a nice Cab Shazz and let us discuss how we can further build up Madam NoShit ShameOnMe, while protecting our True Leaders' interests.
Your dear red-hot red-haired Shazzer.
This is to inform the public that this humours letter is based on real people and events.